Another Heartache

let's move on!

2009-08-11T00:02:00.002+08:00

Yes I've moved to here. See you all there! =D

A reply from the-very-irritating-duuuuuuuhhhh buddy.

2009-07-30T22:48:00.003+08:00

Hey mat perangai bila dah ada motor! HAHAHA! Ok serious.

Faizal Shahreen! A failure is a step where we realised that we've made a mistake in our life afterwhich I believe, you, as a man with a strong mindset of wanting to see yourself in a bright future, will work on things and make everything right. I know you will. So please don't feel disappointed. Believe that to succeed, you at least need to fail once. And from there, you will realise of your wrong doings then you will prevent yourself from getting trapped and fall like how you just did. Be proud that this happened. Cause from here, you will continue striving for success.

Anyway, it's just a common test. Nothing much. I passed maybe because I'm too stressed. Just my luck.

Now now, do I sound childish? Hmph! Anyway, I still agree with you that I'm being childish cause there's still a kid in me! DUUUUUUUUUUUUUHHHHHHHHHHH bad boy! HAHAHAHAHAHA!

Another reality.

Pastamania-ing with Hammies!

2009-07-30T21:57:00.003+08:00

So here goes. Remember I mention about Faizal who said, "Make sure kau fail eh!" when I told him I definitely will fail my Data and Network Communication in my previous post?

Yeah. He's a bad boy now. He don't wanna talk to me. He don't wanna friend me. He very angry with me. Just because I got a B for Data and Network Communication. Heehee. Faizal! Don't angryangry ok? Heehee!

And oh, Eric gave me an eyebrow pencil which I exactly know where he bought it from. Haha! Anyway, thank you so much Eric!

So another well spent Wednesday with my Hammies. Had our scrumptious meal at Pastamania where one of the part we chatted about the guy who worked there which according to Atiqah and Rabbit, he's from Eunos Primary School too and which me (as usual) can't recognized him at all.

Soon, Atiqah will be graduating. And much sooner, Rabbit gonna start her beautiful days as a student in NUS. While Idayu and me still stuck with our school as a year 2 student. Long way to go eh kita.

And I love slacking at the void deck near to where Atiqah parked her bike. Cause I love adoring her bike. Her bike ssshhhhaaaaaaaaanteeeeeeeeek! Heehee!

I feelingfeeling only! Heeheehee.

Another whole day with Hammies please! Thanks.

Don't give up, don't give in.

Busy buddy.

2009-07-28T08:01:00.006+08:00

I've been total busy these days so that explains why I've not been updating. About school, my lab sheets were all gone. I've no idea how it could get lost on it's own. Or maybe I'm the one who misplaced it. It took me hours to find for it last night. Still to no avail. This is very frustrating la!

Hafiz TT has been asking about the karaoke plan. Macam tak sabar nak belanja kita nampak! HAHAHAHA! Diana, set a date ok? Make it before fasting month. =D

And I almost forgot. Last Friday's a day when me and my comm skills team mate were to present our presentation. And I did not prepare even a tiny bit, mind you. Anterine and the others puts in a whole lot of effort and the outcome turns out preety. Lucky I have them. Heehee. So for the video we have made, check it out on facebook ok?

As usual, I have pictures! Family outing is the best!

v

He's the world's greatest Ayah!

And the world's greatest Mama!

And Mama, I don't want a boyfriend eh! I know I've never been serious but this time I am. I'm not ready and I've never been ready. Or maybe, I just don't need a boyfriend till I graduate from school. I have enough of love from family and concern from friends already. And it's even hard for me to spare time for some outings with friends, whats more for a boyfriend. I'm a busy girl now. Hehe!

Before I slip and fall, and fall again.

Everyday is a wonderful day.

2009-07-23T20:45:00.005+08:00

I absent myself yesterday. My cough didn't get any better. A few of my classmates start to sneeze and cough. This is scary. While at home, I spread the disease to sister, then brother theeeen both my parents. My elder sister wasn't affected as she took the vaccine before hand from her workplace. This is even scarier lah please.

Atiqah! Atiqah! Atiqah! Tamo ngamok ngamok k! Happy happy k! Sabar sabar k! Nasib baik aku puasa smlm! HAHA! Kalau tak dah ter-join kau eh! Heh.

So I failed my Industrial Electronics. But I miracle-ly passed my E-commerce Fundamentals. Oh yeay! 3 passes. 1 failure. Left with 1 more result. Which I told Faizal I sure fail for it. And he went, "Make sure kau fail eh!" Talking about result, I remember Faizal told me he's jealous of me. So this is a tip for you, Faizal. Get yourself stress! Don't be too happy! HAHA!

And I remember Anterine paiseh-ing herself. She cannot differentiate between an '8' and a '9'. Very very funny, I couldn't stop laughing. Still can confidently walk into that class and sing. HAHAHA! Anterine, do that more please!

Maan I got a lot to rant about but I really don't know how to start. I guess I shall just left them unsaid.

Maaf ku tak bisa
memilih dirimu
Kerna ku terhanyut
mencintai dia
Inilah salahku
yang memberi ruang
Di dalam hatiku
'tuk mencintainya.

I don't need you to save me. Just want you to help me.

Hyundai Getz. Yayyay.

2009-07-20T21:01:00.005+08:00

After a week I've not been to school, I finally did today. It was totally nice to be back again except for that I gotta cough every minute, every second and friends gave me the don't-spread-the-disease-to-me look.

And oh, after going through the first lecture for only an hour, I received a message from Mama asking me to go home because my doctor command me to. But I did not as I have got a lot to catch up for school.

My Engineering Maths is not dead yet. Cause I passed! Well I didn't check my results myself, but I believe Ant's words. Faizal too. Hehe.

2 results down, 3 to go!

Siti Ummairah Binte Zulkiflie! Happy 19th Birthday! =)

So anyway, I've enjoyed myself with nice people few days back. I've got pictures so here you go.

Maafkan lah aku lari dari kenyataan.

High fever.

2009-07-14T09:05:00.003+08:00

I am having high fever. I got a week off from school. I am suspected to have that damn H1N1. I got to quarantine myself until Friday. I got to wear mask all the way. I got to eat medicine even though I know it sucks big time. I hate this.

People, go save yourself. Run away from me ok!

But having a week off from school is nice isn't it? Hee.

"I'll try.." she said as he walked away.

GIG

2009-07-12T17:33:00.001+08:00

And that's how I spent my Saturday.

I'm leaving you my legacy.

End of common test.

2009-07-11T00:09:00.005+08:00

Having 5 tests straight in a week is one of the reason I've not been updating. Aside from that, I've been busy going to late cousin's home to pay a visit. A very tragic death, indeed. He must be a good son.

So anyway, the first out of five test I took was Microprocessor Technology which I believe I'm going to fail for it cause I don't really understand what I'm studying in the first place and another thing is, it's the module most of the students failed.

Most of my classmates asked if I passed when actually I don't even know that results are out. I wasn't feeling that good as one of my friend told me she failed by a few marks so I really thought I'm gonna fail too.

So I went back home and quickly go online and check my results.

I was stunned and happy cause I really don't expect a pass even though it's just a pass by 2 marks, but still it's a pass!

So now 1 result down, 4 more to go.

Engineering Maths - Die.
Industrial and Electronic - DIE.
Data & Network Communication - DIE!
E-Commerce Fundamentals - Dead.

Put school aside, I have some pictures. I know these are so last summer but still, pictures!

Sorry Hammies. I'm asked to format my MMC which means I lost all the pictures! I am totally angry.

I gotta wait for another day with you.

Long shot.

2009-07-03T23:00:00.003+08:00

I am very angry. I am very sad. I am very restless. I am very whatever-you-name-me. Very very very. Cause you know why?

I just took tons of happy pictures with my Hammies just now. And when I insert it to my laptop, I'm asked to format it. Geramgeramgeramgeramgeramgeramgeramgeramgeram! I have yet to tell my Hammies. They sure will feel as mad as me.

Terima kasih MMC kerana tidak membenarkan saya rasa bahagia.

Another thing I'm very mad of is, I just scored 24 out of 30 for my Microprocessor Technology EQuiz. I click on submit to enter in my marks. Then they say, "Marks not uploaded. Your timeslot doesn't match to the time given." I swear a million to this website.

Kepada Microprocessor EQuiz, terima kasih juga.

But whatever it is, Mama's the best. I know she tried her best to make me feel happy. We were talking about this couple who's name are alike. Then I told her, "I also want! I'm Shazwani, I want a guy named Shazwan then."

Mum and sister played along and here's the conversation.

Sister: I got a friend named
Shazwan.

Me: Alaa, your SPF friend,
who don't know.

Mama: Yes can. Go introduce
him to your sister. But let
me see him first. Make sure he's
handsome. And his education must
be better than your sister.

Me: Alaa, I don't want. I
am scared to go for another one
already.

Mama: Don't stead with him
lah. Just make friends only. Can
what?

Sister: Can lah. You know him
already what.

Me: Haha! Make sure he got
car. And he's a University student.
I don't care.

I play along too. Just to make them know that I'm happy. I'm moving on. Cause I know, me and him are friends now. Nothing more than that. So I must be happy.

I'm tryna handle all this unpredictability, in all probability.

It's not getting any better.

2009-07-02T11:28:00.004+08:00

"

Muhammad Firdaus: Hello.. Sorie to disturb.. Can i have the permission to still love u even though as a fren? Im really sorie..

Radin Shazwani: Hello! Oh. Then should i ask permission from you too? Cause i cannot stop loving you. I'm very sorry. =(

Muhammad Firdaus: Its ok.. Im really sorie tis happen..

Radin Shazwani: Then one more thing. Pls allow me to still put up our picture on my facebook, my laptop desktop, my phone wallpaper. And when the time is right, i'll delete it all away. Tell me if you got someone new to avoid misunderstanding. I'm just not ready for all these so pls allow me.

Muhammad Firdaus: Ya sure.. I still put our pic as my hp wallpaper..

I thought he'd be happy this way. I don't care if I'd get hurt so deep. I just want him to be happy. Cause I know, being in a relationship with me hurts a lot. I tend to scold him even if it's just a minor mistake. So letting him go is the best way.

I am not getting any better but I'm still trying. I am scared to go out. I am even scared to watch Tom & Jerry cartoon.

I know it's hurting you, but it's killing me..

Tears accompanied me through the night.

2009-07-01T09:54:00.005+08:00

Can you believe that I just scold myself to stop crying? Gosh! I really did that last night. He requested me to keep the things that he gave so I keep asking him why but he keep answering me with "Plss u.. Last favour".

Then I told him about his sweater, "I think I know your reasons. Cause I've been sleeping with it then I drool on it then you don't want it cause it smells kn? =D k la i keep."

Notice something? I was just tryna joke when on the actual fact, I am feeling veryvery down. I've tried my very best to make this last conversation with him a happy one. So by that, I think I am already strong. I am proud of myself. So I go on further.

I go on further to agree on keeping the things he gave me then I asked him to smile for me. Eventually, he did. Tell me how can I not breakdown? He's just too good for me. And he doesn't know how I missed his smile. So much.

Then again, I thought I could go on still. So I continued telling him he's just the best boyfriend I've ever had and I'm glad we split in good terms. I asked him to get well soon and to take care of himself as he said he's been quarantined. Together with my last good night and kiss.

I smiled. My heart felt lighter. I thought I'd end the conversation. But he replied me with a kiss too. Now tell me tell me tell me! Is it wrong if I cried? It's our last. It's our very last and I cried. Tell me am I wrong?

I cried not because I regret. I cried because I miss him. I just miss him. I miss the old times. Just that. And....Yeah, I miss us.

Mama asked if I cried. As much as I tried not leaving a drop of tears on my face, she still notice it. I told her everything. And I realised she tried her best to make me laugh last night and even earlier today. She's just the best to be there with me and make me, me.

Not forgetting, to all of my friends especially the girls I am very close with, the girls I called them bestfriends, thank you. I am lucky enough to have you people with me. You've always been there for me.

As for now, I believe that time will heal. I want to believe that time will heal. Dear Allah, help me heal. I'm still trying. Yes I am weak, but I will keep on trying.

The song Seribu Kenangan by DidiCazli posted on my blog really suites the situation I am in now. =)

But how do I get better once I've had the best?

And so it ends blissfully.

2009-06-30T19:17:00.006+08:00

Muhammad Firdaus and me are through this time. Thank you Dear Allah for lending me some courage to overcome this all by myself even though I know I cried a river.

So this is the best. I told him I'd change his name back to Tom, not Dearest Love or even Dearest Friend anymore. But I don't have the heart to do it now. Maybe I'll change it soon. But he'll forever be my ever Dearest Love in my mind and in my heart.

I told him he's my worst mistakes but before that I'd like to return him the things he gave me so I wouldn't hold onto the memories we shared. But to think about it again, he's my very best boyfriend. Why would I? I'd might as well throw my intentions away and keep it as my beautiest memory ever.

Maybe I did swear him just now but on the second thought, he's not that evil. He don't wish to see me get hurt and he don't want to hurt me any further, so this decision we made is for our own good.

Even though I know I've typed this all with gallons of tears in my eyes, never once I regret meeting him. Never once I regret loving him. This is just my worst mistakes for falling in love with him because it's really not easy to let go but for the love of my life, I'll try my very best.

To make him happy, I'd sacrifice even if it kills me. I'll try to act strong even though I know I am genuinely weak. I am happy to know he's happy. I've said my final goodbye. I've said my very last "i love you".

Now friends, help me move on please! =)

Letting go doesn’t mean giving up, but rather accepting that there are things that cannot be.

Am left hanging.

2009-06-29T21:46:00.002+08:00

I don't wanna sound as pathetic as I have been all these while. I don't wanna ask for more sympathy. Indeed, I hate people's pity. I hope what I'm doing sooner or later is right. I hope I won't regret over it. I hope I can move on. I hope I won't make anymore mistakes, like this. I hope. Not that I can.

But I am doing what's best for him. I think of his feelings more then I do to myself. I don't care if I'm hurt. What matters most is his happiness. He shouldn't live this way. He deserve something better than this. Something better than leading a life with this stupid and unappreciative woman.

And in order for him to achieve something better is for me to let go. He'll definitely find true happiness someday without me. Although I know I am weak without him, in this period of time, he taught me to be strong when he wasn't there physically, mentally and verbally.

But I prefer being weak with him rather then being strong without him.

Dear Allah, please give me the courage to tell him what's left in my heart. This might hurt him but it's killing me. And please give me more courage to face this reality. Alone.

But I've never wish this to happen..Never.

Left hanging.

2009-06-27T23:21:00.010+08:00

Radin Shazwani binte Radin Khazali!!
Why are you so damn weak?!
No point slapping myself when I'm already awake.
I got feelings. I can't control them.
I hope he won't get mad over what I did at 11:03pm, just now.

I can't stop, don't care if I lose.

Wednesday oh yesterday.

2009-06-25T10:42:00.007+08:00

I missed my class BBQ Pit yesterday. Thousand apologies, dearest classmates.

I received a message from my schoolmate which says, "It's official that week 11 is now online study from home, and common test rescheduled to week 12. DO NOT come to school next week. School has sent out emails to your school email address. Pls inform your classmates to refer these emails for more detailed info."

So I was imagining my classmates to celebrate their BBQ with more joy, cheers and laughter after they receive this message.

And every time my phone greets me with "Dearest love, I hope this message finds you well.." song by Alesana, I put hopes on Muhammad Firdaus, wishing it was from him. Come back fasterfasterfasterfaster please!

Do you love living your life full of hateful?

I'm really wondering

2009-06-24T07:28:00.009+08:00

It's 7.30am now. I've had my prayers and I couldn't go back to sleep. Because I've had a very bad dream about Muhammad Firdaus whose wanting our old life back as one only after he knew that another guy is after me. And he offered me cigarettes too.

So the vice versa in real life is he will never want to be with me again. And of course he would never offer me cigarettes but I'm the one who will be offering myself cigarettes.

And I still love him as much as I did all these while.

Some of you starts getting on my nerve already. Really.

Enough of feeling down. Class pit later. Thank you for the money Muhammad Firdaus. Thank you for letting me have some fun.

For Nanyang Polytechnic students, click picture to get to the link. I got this from Anterine just yesterday.

But they will not extend our holidays aren't they?

Is this going to be alright?

Jerry misses Tom.

2009-06-23T07:09:00.004+08:00

Quite a number of you left my blog via mixpod.com. Want the title of the song so much? Here's something I could help. It's Fuck You by Lily Allen and it's dedicated to one of my bestfriend. =) Boy, you know who you are.

And the man below, I miss him.

Tergoda aku 'tuk berfikir dia yang tercinta
Mengapa telah lama tak nampak dirimu disini
Jangankan inginku tersenyum, tak ada ghairah
Kuingin selalu bersamamu

Kini ku resah
Diriku lemah tanpamu

Gapai semua jemariku, rangkul aku dalam bahagiamu
Ku ingin bersama berdua, selamanya
Jika kubuka mata ini, kuingin selalu ada dirimu
Dalam kelemahan hati ini, bersamamu aku tegar

-Tegar, Rossa

Another day, another night..

I can feel for her.

2009-06-22T16:49:00.005+08:00

Pardon my previous post. It's nothing. Just that I feel the pinch, only that.
And maybe he wishes to see me this way then, let him be. Let me be.

Sometimes I wish I was as strong as her.

Gathering the strength I have.

2009-06-21T11:31:00.004+08:00

I read that girl's blog. I feel the pinch.

Not only He's testing my patience, he too.

Mark made, let's get strong.

Points to note.

2009-06-20T13:03:00.001+08:00

Now I'm speechless.

These words are my heart and soul.

2009-06-18T15:00:00.005+08:00

I'll hold onto these moments.

These wounds are self-inflicted.

2009-06-17T18:20:00.003+08:00

I am scared. My heart felt heavy. I am feeling so terrible. I almost killed myself in an accident earlier. I don't wanna go out until I felt better.

Baby, you were the weapon I choose.

He's my missing pieces.

2009-06-16T18:50:00.005+08:00

I tried smiling sincerely. I tried being happy. But nothing seems to work out. All I ever need is Muhammad Firdaus.

I agreed to let him have his time on his own. But he does not know how terrible I feel each day. This is just it. What's more if we went on our seperate ways? I never want that to happen.

Common test is coming soon and I am not prepared. I cannot even prepare myself for it when all I worry is us.

I end my every nights with hurtful eyes. When will this end? I want to be happy again. With you.

Just give me a chance to prove to you tonight.

Every seconds count.

2009-06-13T23:59:00.004+08:00

I really tried my best, but I failed yet again. I really cannot end my day without sms-ing him to just let him know that I've always have him in my mind and in my heart.

I was at ECP BK just now with sister and I heard "You'll be safe here" over their radio. Tell me how can I not breakdown?

As much as I don't want Mama to know anything about this, she already know. I don't know how but yes, she knew. She even told me she dreamt of me asking my sister to buy a box of chocolate and pass it over to Muhammad Firdaus. Which yes, I did just that and it happens before Mama told me she dreamt of it. I really cannot hide anything from my Mama.

"Don't regret over it. It happens for a reason. At least this happened cause if it don't, you'll never learn anything from your mistake."

All of my friends ask me to be strong and that they know and understand how I feel. But they don't feel what I feel. Thank you all but I'm sorry, I am not strong.

But I will wait just to have him by my side. I will wait for Muhammad Firdaus, even if it kills me. Cause I believe in love. I believe that our love is true.

Please break the silence soon.

Another lesson learnt the hardest way.

2009-06-12T18:42:00.001+08:00

I wish. I want. I need.

Sorry for my stupid face.

2009-06-11T20:04:00.002+08:00

You're everything I need.

7 months.

2009-06-11T13:41:00.003+08:00

I didn't realise I got home with teary eyes last night. Mama noticed me and ask if I cried. I told her the lamest answer ever, "the weather is very hot".

I know, I've been sharing with her about my life stories but I don't wish to this time. She's ill. And I don't want her to worry for me. For both me and Muhammad Firdaus.

I forced Mama to the clinic as she's been ill for 3 days already. After countless times I asked her to, she finally agree last night.

And now's my turn to fall sick. I got a break from school.

Today's our day. I love Muhammad Firdaus wholely.

I gotta make my mark, I gotta run it hard.

"you'll be safe here" is repeating on my mp3.

2009-06-09T19:48:00.002+08:00

I am very weak now.

I am trying my very best to stay far away from my phone. I want to respect Muhammad Firdaus decision so much. I don't want to hurt him more. I am going to wait until he comes back to me.

I don't know how I look like to school today. Some say I look very pale. Some say I just got up from bed. Some ask me if I'm sick. Some ask me why am I so emo. Some ask me not to be sad. Some ask me not to cry. Some offer me a hug but sadly, I rejected. Some really wants to know why am I like this. Some even tears up with me without knowing my problems.

Anterine offered me Ribena to cheer up and even do up some jokes. She's the one whom I can share with and she gave me the bestest advice. She says every positive thing about why Muhammad Firdaus did this.

One of the point she gave that shot up my brain is, "You must be thankful that no matter how much you want him to come back, he will one day. Unlike me, no matter how long I got to wait for my dad to come back, he will never do."

She even say that Muhammad Firdaus still wants me, just that he need to be alone for sometime to make things right and who knows he's doing this for the best of both of us.

Still I regret for every bad things that happened. Then she said, everything happens for a reason. In every relationship, couples are sure to fight. It is good to fight. If they don't fight, they don't love. And she told me of her friend who always fight and in the end, they learn their mistakes from that fight and love each other more.

Now I've learned my mistakes. Muhammad Firdaus, please keep loving me the way I love you loving me.

Baby, you are the only weapon I choose.

i only wants Muhammad Firdaus, nothing more.

2009-06-09T08:48:00.004+08:00

I've made the worst mistakes of all.

I understand that it's totally hard for him to forgive me.
But he still forgives me.

I understand that he needs time to cure his pain. I understand why he reacted this way. His family was the most precious thing ever, I couldn't possibly say that of them.

In fact, I don't know why I said to him like that. I'm just the useless, arrogant, not caring girl he had ever known.

I know, even if he read this post, it won't help him cure his pain. But I miss him too much. I've no idea on what to do next. What I know is I only want him.

I've created another mess. The biggest mess, indeed. I deserve what he's doing to me now. But I can't help my feelings.

I got a dream last night even if I cannot sleep well. I dreamt that we talked it all out then both our heart felt lighter. And I even managed to hug him so tight and kissed him on his lips for the very first time.

I let him have his time on his own for a while which I don't believe I just did that when actually I want to be by his side and get through the pain days, together. I did this because I love him so true. I am respecting his decision.

I am trying to respect his decision. I am wholly sorry if I failed.

As much as I never wish to share it here, I did and I don't know if what I do is right. By any chance I am hoping for him to read this. I am hoping miracle could happen for better days for both of us. I am hoping he could give me one more chance to make things right. I am hoping he would come back to me without being force.

I miss those happy days I had with him. I am blaming myself for all that happened.

Di sini aku masih sendiri
Merenungi hari-hari sepi
Aku tanpamu,
Masih tanpamu

Bila esok hari datang lagi
Kucoba 'tuk hadapi semua ini
Meski tanpamu
Meski tanpamu

Bila aku dapat bintang yang berpijar,
Mentari yang tenang bersamaku, disini
Kudapat tertawa menangis merenung
Di tempat ini aku bertahan

Suara... dengarkanlah aku
Apa khabarnya pujaan hatiku?
Aku di sini menunggunya
Masih berharap di dalam hatinya

Suara... dengarkanlah aku
Apakah aku selalu di hatinya?
Aku di sini menunggunya
Masih berharap di dalam hatinya

Dan aku masih tetap disini
Kulewati semua yang terjadi
Aku menunggumu
Aku menunggu

I love you. I miss you. Only you, Muhammad Firdaus Bin Jambari.

I'm sorry.

2009-06-07T20:00:00.003+08:00

I blew things out of proportion.

Baby, cause you're the best I got.

If i say forget it, I know I'll regret it.

2009-06-06T03:09:00.004+08:00

It's 3:16am now and I got the sudden urge to blog. Haven't been updating well ever since I'm down with fever. Finally I got a day off from school last Tuesday not because I am sick but the doctor demand me to rest at home.

I got back to school the day after and here I am with pictures to share.

Willie's Birthday! With the June babies.

Ok this, I remember handing over my camera to Anterine and handsign-ing her to take pictures of our classmates doing their presentation but she got this instead and gets excited over it.

Tell me how can Diana and I not get anymore crazier? Blame Anterine! For making us crazy like her.

And Friday, Noh's Birthday! Dah tua! Dah tua! Dah tua! Dah tua! Dah tua!

I wish I could be that small so I could hop on to Muhammad Firdaus head and follow him wherever he go. HAHA. Dream on.

And that's how I end my Friday.

That man above, I miss him wholely.

Suara, dengarkanlah aku.
Apakah aku selalu di hatinya?
Aku di sini menunggunya.
Masih berharap di dalam hatinya.

My heart beat, beats me senselessly.

Sick of schooooool.

2009-06-01T20:36:00.003+08:00

It has been a hectic week and that explains my reasons to not update my blog.

Last week I was down with fever since Sunday which I forced myself to school just to hand in my delayed assignments on Monday and sat for Maths quiz on Tuesday. Which as for Wednesday I still feel week but I did drag myself to attend lab session.

And I got home by 7pm most of the days just to stayback for our Communication Skills 2 presentation. And to update my Microprocessor Project too.

So by Friday, we did the presentation our very best then it's over, once again.

Ok let's continue.

I got home at 6pm on Friday afterwhich I do some packings for Farewell Camp so by 7.30pm I went out again to get rations at Sheng Siong Bedok with Nabilah and reached CCSS by 10pm.

I was in there from Friday to Sunday where I waste all my hard work energy.

And Sunday too I got to study for my CA right after I got home.

And today's Monday, I went to school with sucha heavy head. I could hardly even talk to my friends. I planned to not go to school because I wasn't feeling that well but because I got to do my CA today, again I forced myself.

Tell me how can I not have good mood, be loud and energetic as I have been all these while?

Muhammad Firdaus is down with fever too and he's back to camp now, still sick. Our life has been sucha pain these days, you realise?

If only I could grant myself a wish..

Night at the Museum.

2009-05-24T21:25:00.003+08:00

Ban Mian and Qiji's Popiah together with Vanilla Coke for lunch was nice. Had double chocolate frappe before that was superb. Catched Night at the Museum yesterday and it's totally nice!

And I'm definitely gonna catch Monsters vs Aliens (poster above) in 3D! I can't wait. =)

And we have gone through good and bad times..

i love schooool..........mates.

2009-05-22T19:34:00.007+08:00

I got a facebook! My ECF lecturer forced me to sign up to expand my online business. And I signed up right infront of him, ok? No regrets having an account for facebook. Cause I've been wanting to play the games there! =)

About my online business, I've made a blog for it. Check for "Our Great Delicacies" under my links. My whole ECF mates already saw it and I've been praised for doing a good job infront of the whole class. (Kembang kejap!)

My ECF lecturer ordered a Prune Cake from me so I brought it to school yesterday. And the compliments I've got was total satisfying. Except for this part.

Munzir and Firdaus purposely talked loud and I overheard Munzir say, "Ahh! Sakit peruh ah. Ni mesti pasal cake yg kita makan tadi tau.." while Firdaus keep giggling. I look at them suspiciously and they laugh and tell it's a joke. -___- But what's satisfying about them is they asked for another piece of the Prune Cake from my ECF lecturer. =)

It's been a hectic week. I've been skipping some lectures. I've not been focusing during some lectures(except for Eng Maths! Anterine, don't scold me! HAHA!) I've been taking pictures in lecture. And the best part is, I've been playing fun yet irritating games with lecture mates. =)

I've been matchmaking Eric with Anterine. I loooovvvveeee doing this. It's fun you know! Give me some days, I'll try and make this work.

HAHA! Ok that I joke.

I asked Eric for his foolscap and wrote this(below) for him. I know I'm good. I wrote a few "Eric" on Anterine's book too! HAHA!

And look at that! That's both Eric and Anterine! Phiweet!

Now this is during lecture.

After photo taking session, we all cram to a side together and play games! It's veryvery fun cause we played the Travelling game(until Nana get's fed up and Man is total funny), the "1o'clock..2o'clock..3o'clock. What time is it?" game, the "Bangbangbangbangbang. Siapa mati?" game and the "1 lighter..2 lighter..3 lighter..4 lighter..10 thousand lighter..How many lighters are there?" game. Not forgetting Black Magic game too!

And I've yet to beg Noh CC and Hafiz TT for their games solution! It was nice for us to have a good time in school. Except that Hafizuddin who didn't join us for the game session.

And so to end this, here's something to spice up my blog. Faizal and Noh CC, thank you for contributing. =)

I miss Muhammad Firdaus. =(

I think and smile.

cute or what? cute.

2009-05-20T23:15:00.002+08:00

"...........u noe wat.. i pakai shower foam baby looney tunes punye tau..
then ada baby taz.. n i keep thinking of u everytime i see tat.. :->"

I miss Muhammad Firdaus. More than anything else.

Happy 19th Birthday Fariz! =)

I don't care what they say, you're all I want.

for you muhammad firdaus. others might wanna leave, pls do.

2009-05-18T23:08:00.006+08:00

Boy: Can I ask you something?
I'm the worst and useless boyfriend
you've ever had right? Honestly.
Girl: Honestly, yes.
Boy: Okay.

But that boy didn't know that he's being at worst and useless to ask that girl such question when actually 'worst and useless' had never came across that girls' mind about him.

And that boy still wouldn't know anything about it until he gets to that girls' blog during his weekends. Hehe.

If you still don't get what I mean, I am that girl, Muhammad Firdaus is that boy. =)

Alright. Let me do a public confession.

I've got the world sweetest, loving, caring, cutest, thoughtful, respectful, trustworthy boyfriend. You just name it, Muhammad Firdaus got it.

He told me, "You're a perfect girlfriend any other guy would ever want", when actually he is the bestest boyfriend any other girls would ever die for! Oh nope, I'm never gonna give him away to other girls, of course. I don't want other girls to feel how I feel having him as a boyfriend, even if it's only an inch. I know I'm very selfish.

Well that's me when it comes to love. I don't share my love to any guys just like that. Muhammad Firdaus win my heart, he get's it wholely. =)

Indeed Muhammad Firdaus is perfect.

He don't boast around. He don't lie. He don't play around. He don't do things that I hate. He takes good care of me even though he wasn't there physically. He never fails finding some time for me just to make me feel complete even if he's having his lesson for his NS training.

He is a total different from any other boyfriend. These are tiny little things that makes me love him even harder.

Sometimes I'd get jealous seeing couples walking to and fro, eating lunch together and even study together in the past. I learned that I am not jealous anymore now cause we have our own way. Of course he's not by my side but I've got his heart with me the whole time.

So to the girls who always-scared-their-boyfriends-would-run-away-so-immediately-grabbed-their-hands-and-smile-just-to-make-me-jealous-because-they-got-boyfriend-with-them-while-I-don't, please, have my honour, do it more. HAHA!

I know I've not been praising about him to my friends. I don't wanna make my friends envy me. The most I did was telling some updates about him to them. Nope, not even when we fought. I never share any of our problems with my friends. Cause I believe we make mistakes, we'll solve it and make things right by ourselves.

As you all know we call ourselves Tom and Jerry. Unlike the real Tom and Jerry on some of the episode, the difference of me being Jerry and he's the Tom is that, Jerry don't go to Spike to get help. I once told him, "If you ever were to hurt me, I shall get help from Spike", which of course, Spike is my friends. But I've never do it and I hope I won't do it at all.

Baby, as to all I've said above, Allah knows I'm being true. I love you wholely. I love you deeply. I love you harder. And I totally can't wait for the 3rd of June for spending more time with you.

I'll wait until the end..

Phantom's Wedding Ceremony.

2009-05-17T20:06:00.002+08:00

That explains where I went today. I was there from 12pm to 6pm. Can you imagine? With that suite on, glaring sun, perspiration, heavy-hearted but I could still smile to everyone that I see.

Happy Birthday Zulkarnain!

Happy Birthday Noriz!

I miss Muhammad Firdaus can? =(

And don't smile at me and tell me things will work out for me too..

We all make mistakes.

2009-05-17T00:24:00.004+08:00

Patrick: Liar liar, hands on fire.
Spongebob: It's pants on fire, Patrick.

It's an old episode. Just ignore above. It was some random thoughts when I told someone that he lied.

"I love you."

That is all I need to heal those pain away. After everything, thank you for loving me still Muhammad Firdaus. =)

Sometimes you just gotta break down and breathe..

Twelve-zerofive-zeronine

2009-05-13T22:02:00.004+08:00

I am not gonna elaborate much. Just that I love everything my bestfriends did. I love the gifts and I love a gathering like this. Of course I feel cheated at first. But without having them to cheat me, they could never do a surprise like this, am I right?

So pictures will help me end this post. I am total busy for school. I'm half-way done for my Microprocessor Project by the way. Aku suka!

And yes, Muhammad Firdaus phone battery perangai. Lucky he has got a kind friend there to lend him his phone. If not....I die can?

By the way, my face looked very plain in these pictures. I didn't put on make-up for school, that's why(unless I'm going out after school, of course!). My baju also slack! They they surprise me, never give me warning! Betul uh ni monyet-monyet.

They say I'm the shortest. Short tkpe uh, ni shortest lah sei. =(

The medicine to cure my pain..

ponteng sch, met haz. nice!

2009-05-11T20:16:00.003+08:00

I was absent from school today for waking up late. I'm only awake to Muhammad Firdaus sms saying he was on his way to camp. I dragged myself to Mama's room where I see Mama, who's holding on to her phone by which she saw me and said, "Dah bangun? Baru nak call nak kejut."

Our communication devices are very efficient isn't it? Our mothers don't have to walk over to our rooms just to wake us up. They can use their phones to give us calls which it did work on me, everytime. Cause I've been depending on phone alarm clock these years by which I'm used to wake up by my phone's ringing already.

Hazlinda gave me a call, co-incidently I wasn't in school, so we met up at my void deck and do a little bit of cathing-ups.

That very spot where we sat, it reminds me of Muhammad Firdaus. I miss him. I miss him. I miss him. I miss him. I miss him. I miss him. I miss him. I miss him. I miss him. So much!

I can't wait for BKs reunion. Seriously.

Try again, make it perfect, make me worth it..

SIX.

2009-05-11T00:43:00.003+08:00

This song I dedicate to you Muhammad Firdaus. Happy 6th baby! I love you like no other could love you this hard.

6 months by Hey Monday.

And to Siti Nur Idayu, now's your turn to turn 19! Happy Birthday! Happy Birthday! Happy Birthday! Happy Birthday! Happy Birthday! And please get well soon.

I love you harder, so.

Happy Birthday Radin Shazwani!

2009-05-10T23:18:00.004+08:00

As much as I hate turning a year older, well, today I'm proud to say I'm 19 now. Yes, I'm 9-TEEN. A TEENager still. Turning 19 wasn't that bad afterall and I don't feel like I am 19 now. I feel like I'm a kid still. And please don't mention anything about 'young adult'. Once there's a teen after the number, I'm still consider as a teenager.

Haha. So much about 19. Ok. Let's move on. But first, let me do some replies to people who sms me for birthday wishes. As much as I'd like to reply them, I really cannot this time. So here you all go.

Nabilah the minah-cool - THANK YOU! You know I love you more!
Bee Hua the you-RJ-or-RB? - THANK YOU! Will stay as cheerful as always!
Noriz the kita-secret-secret-ok? - THANK YOU! Love you too!
Ismail the perasan-sachok-only! - THANK YOU! May what you say do come true!
Idayu the birthday-one-day-after-my-birthday - THANK YOU! You have a good time very soon too!
Diana the miss-ceramah-on-every-interval - THANK YOU! For those prayers!
Anterine the soon-to-be-Mrs-Selvam - THANK YOU! Correction pls. My name is not Radin Selvam. Radin Shazwani ok!
Atiqah the body-shop-supplier - THANK YOU! Cukup2 lah wish aku birthday. Wish me Mothers' Day for what? Grr!
Syafiqah the no-longer-girl-gagah - THANK YOU! I love you more!
Muhammad Firdaus the step-lupa-my-birthday - THANK YOU! I'll try my best to be a good girl to you. And we're the same age. You call me tua. You calling yourself too. Hmph! I love you so much more baby!
Ummai the kena-paksa-wear-skirt - THANK YOU! Wear skirt more ok?
Fahmi the mat-cool - THANK YOU! Stay cool! Must wear black shades for next meet up and wish me face to face!
fyQah the black-knights-baby - THANK YOU! I miss you.
Faizal the mat-perangai-bila-dah-ada-motor - THANK YOU! Go study harder rather then spent harder times with Aisyah. HAHA!
Taufiq the UPS-freshmen - THANK YOU! Lucky you remember if not, I'll ask your manager to fire you.
Zul the soon-to-be-abg-ipar - THANK YOU! Birthday present? *verydecentface*
Rabi'Atul the long-form-for-rabbit - THANK YOU! You lah born in the zoo, Rabbit! Not me!
Azlyn the want-to-sms-last-night-but-don't-know-which-no.-to-send - THANK YOU! You another one. Birthday eh! Not Mothers' Day!

And not forgetting Fariz who only calls me at 10.47pm just to wish me. And I've been forced to call him to wish him back, after 10 days.

Look who's the 10th person to wish on the 10th of May? Kira sweet lah tu. Oh. I love that man no matter what.

With just a simple sms like, "Happy Birthday." and a simple reply like, "Thank you. Sorry but I miss you." melts our heart and reunite us together again. It's been almost a year, yeah? This is the happiest gift for me, for us.

So how did I celebrate my birthday this year? I first had my fringe, cut. Then I went KFC-ing, McCafe-ing, Cash Studio-ing and Coffee Bean-ing all the way with my family except for Ayah who gotta go for work.

With Mothers' Day celebration to go along with my birthday celebration, it sure makes today a blissful one. Pictures, help me!

I for sure had fun. Thank you Mama for everything! I love you Mama and Happy Mothers' Day to you! Thank you for the dresses and Rip Curl purse and the treat and the money and everything Mama! Thank you for the dress and the cake Kakak!

By the way, I was claiming my birthday treat form McCafe. One of the worker, Qayyum(I take note of his name), sang me birthday song and wishes me so cheerfully. It was nice, you know. Haha! So malu!

Above was done by Nabilah the minah cool. She did with much effort isn't it? She's not good at that mind you.

That very last wish has yet to get granted..

POP!

2009-05-07T19:33:00.003+08:00

It's kinda sad I can't be there to see Muhammad Firdaus having his passing out parade because of the limited-to-two tickets. Furthermore I am having school today so everything clashes. So I just wish him well the first thing in the morning when I'm on my way to school.

I was listening to Gunslinger by Avenged Sevenfold when I'm having lecture. And there's one part of the song which catches my attention so much, so I wrote it out on my book, took a picture of it and paste it below for you to see.

Nah Muhammad Firdaus. For you. Hehe. *veryverycheekysmile*

I know it's been so long, killing me, it's wrecking me..

happy very advance birthday radin shazwani!

2009-05-06T23:10:00.002+08:00

I had the greatest fun laughing my ass off with Nabilah, Diana and Ummai! They were the best, cause you know why? It's not even my birthday, yet they have planned it all out and decided to celebrate my birthday today.

It was veryvery nice, I tell you!

We had our lunch at Popeyes. And took tons of pictures in the sky. Yes. Singapore flyer, that is. Afterwhich we slacked for some time nearby while listening to Diana's ceramah was the best.

By the way, I had real fun today. Tons of thank you for you 3 I've mentioned above! Thank you. Thank you. Thank you!

Next up, KARAOKE! Hehe. Get ready k Nabilah and Ummai for Diana's ceramah every 5 minutes interval!

So these pictures below were taken in school. I caught you Anterine! She was dancing then I silently take this shot below of her. *evillaugh*

Today was fun isn't it? I am very tired yet I got the urge to blog at this hour. Hehe.

Oh yeay! Muhammad Firdaus!

1 day more,
or what?!

But every time you come around, I feel more alive than ever.

Con't coundown!

2009-05-05T22:23:00.001+08:00

TWO!

These was the best days of my life..

Let's countdown!

2009-05-04T20:44:00.002+08:00

3 more days to go till POP, baby!

We're getting higher every time that we love..

4 more days baby!

2009-05-03T19:41:00.002+08:00

Ok so my mouse don't really work well these days. Mind you, it's the second mouse! What. Don't tell me I need a new mouse for every semester! And by the way, it's not cheap ok. It cost me $30 for the second one. The first, I don't quite remember. Sick mouse! How I wish I never take good care of you from the start.

And I pity that Baby-G watch Muhammad Firdaus gave me. The first time I saw it was pure white. Now it's so yellow-ish. I've no idea how it could turn out like that. And you know what? I feel like brushing it with colgate everytime I wanna use it. If only that could help, I'll definitely do it.

Now Muhammad Firdaus was having dinner with his family at Mak's Place. How I miss the juicy-ness of the Sterloin Steak there! Oh. Their Tom Yam is not bad either. It was my family's favourite eating place. Muhammad Firdaus' family too.

Muhammad Firdaus got 2 days MC cause of the minor accident. He'll be booking in by tomorrow night. Which means that he'll be overnight-ing there for another 2 more days then, that's it! POP! Yeay!

So let me countdown to how many days to his POP. Today is May the 3rd. His POP will be on May the 7th. 7 minus 3 equals to 4. So 4 days left, baby!

With my undying love. And I, I will..

Hey bike, you're veryvery bad.

2009-05-03T11:07:00.013+08:00

Muhammad Firdaus met with an accident last Saturday morning. He got scars on his back, arm and he hurt both of his legs. He said his bike is a total damage.

I'm mad yet worried. I try not to sound as mad as I am. I feel like telling him harsh words but I told him, "See! I ask you to take care of yourself kan? See what happen", instead. Cause if he don't love himself, I do.

Night before, we planned to meet and watch Jangan Tegur on Saturday night after he visit his nenek. So since he's unwell, I thought I'd like him to stay home and have a very good rest.

But we did meet instead and continue with our plan. I really adore Muhammad's Firdaus sacrifisation this time. With him limping by my side, I told him he really look like pakcik2 tua. Aside from that, he's still the most cutest and the most adorable person I love.

Muhammad Firdaus was my fragile thing, last night. Therefore I couldn't hit his back, pinch his arm, elbow-ing his thighs like how I did everytime I meet him. I couldn't even lay my hand or even my head on him. And I even try staying some inch away from him so I won't hit his hurting part. (I learnt my lesson after I accidentally hit him...twice. Hehe!)

I care for him like I've never care for anyone before. Even my teddy bears were brutally hugged and slammed by me.

Muhammad Firdaus even gone for a long walk with me just to follow my tastebud for a place to eat.

After everything, I thought I'd like him to go home straight. I also thought of sending him home. But he sent me to my doorstep instead.

Look here baby. This tiny little
things which to you was
nothing and was a common
thing, to me it's still something
you've sacrifised. If you don't
see the sacrifisation you've
made, take a good look at
yourself and ask. Can you
walk like how you would
normally walk? Do you feel
the pain from each step that
you take? Up and down the
stairs?

Now that you've promised
me twice that you won't ride
your bike from 3am to 6am
again, be the best man of my
life and keep your promises.

Muhammad Firdaus. I love you. Very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very much.

Exposed and you're my weakness.

School Days.

2009-05-01T10:58:00.002+08:00

It's been a hectic week. A week filled with full of laughter, games and everything nice. Until now my brain can't stop replaying over Noh's almost-fall reaction after rocking his chair in tutorial room.

I swear I laughed so hard till I go red with Diana beside helping me fan myself to cool me down while everyone else looked at me and say that I took the wrong medicine and everything.

And the fun game we had was during lecture. Ant, Saiidah, Diana and myself. We all attempt to unhook each other's girlwear, swiping-cards and all. Serious, it was fun.

But the best part was on Thursday night. I had dinner at KFC with Muhammad Firdaus! Muhammad Firdaus sure thinks that I'm a fickle-minded as we actually was heading to Rasa-rasa whatever the name is, then I told him I feel like eating at McDonald then when we reach McDonald, I changed my mind to KFC. *ketawamentelmentel*

Because days come and go, but my feelings for you are forever.

I love weekends!

2009-04-26T18:56:00.004+08:00

Had our 4 outing again and it's veryvery nice. They all followed my intention of going arcade at Northpoint just for Guitar Hero ok! And I lose the car racing game because the steering is lose! Not my fault. Hmph! Chey tak nak kalah sei. Padahal skill driving pun tkde.

So Saturday we all had the random outing again. The first time I had was with Muhammad Firdaus when we really got no plan then Sister ask to meet Dya at the very last minute. This time with Nabilah and Fahmi along. I like!

And the Creamy Chicken and Mushroom I had at Causeway Point Banquet wasn't creamy at all. More to soupy. Play cheat sei!

I love playing with his hair. I always love having him by my side. I always love having to see myself in his eyes. I am loving Muhammad Firdaus more and more each day. I dare swearing. Serious!

Which as for today I went to Rezan's BestMan's wedding. The place was total packed. Aaron Aziz was the DJ which he scream out loud over the song he was singing. Veryvery loud, mind you.

You are worth the wait and the distance but i wish you were here now..

I love my life.

2009-04-24T23:41:00.002+08:00

I've been busy yet again with schools and outings. Anyway, I'll paste some pictures and lesser writings. Below you can see we celebrated my brother, Radin Khairul Irwan's 15th birthday on 21st of April, some pictures taken in school a few days back and a picture of me and sister after an outing right just now.

And by the way, Mama bought me 2 Sundresses and a pair of Lee Cooper shoes. And a Barbie lunch box too! Thank you so much Mama!

Cause I'm a wishful thinker..

Back to school.

2009-04-20T18:54:00.003+08:00

And so holiday's over, school's in. I woke up late just now. Thank you Muhammad Firdaus for waking me up as if not for you, my family would have skipped school and work. Serious.

And I dragged myself to school as I don't feel like going but on the other hand, my mindset keeps thinking about how important it is to be in school for the first day which that keeps pushing me to go. Thank you mindset.

So I reached school and realised that today's the first day for my second year in school. See how time flies! I could still even recall about my first day of orientation, last year.

With those "I'm in year 2 already" motivation, it keeps me moving and looking forward to get into the lecture theater and meet my never-see-for-2-months friend.

I was greeted everywhere I go and the feeling was really nice. My lecture mate, Chong, still shouts "Gabriella" for me since the middle of Year 1 Sem 2 when he keeps telling me that Gabriella from HSM and me really look alike. Which I keep denying but he still stands firm with his words.

One more malay guy joins our class; Hafiz. So we have 2 Hafizs, Faizal, Noh, Nana and me. It was nice you know. From 3 malays in the first year and it increases to 6. I like!

And with Anterine's jokes and laughters, Saiidah who plays with my hair, Safirah who feels uneasy to be alone when she stepped into the lecture theatre and found that there's none of her classmates in there and more to go along with it just make my first day in school.

I always say I want to study hard for this Sem or next Sem or even for 2nd year. But the more I say, the more I'll slack. So is it wrong for me to say I want to slack more for this Sem so that I could study hard?

For this simple reason, I just need to keep you in mind.

Kakak's Engagement.

2009-04-19T23:29:00.006+08:00

It takes time to load so here you go.

Why is Fahmi making faces in this 3 pictures below?

It is because he has no patience to my took-very-long-time-to-flash camera.

I started with this 3, I end with this 3. Nabilah, Fahmi and Muhammad Firdaus.

To Nabilah, Syaf, Atiqah, Rabi'Atul, Idayu, Noriz, Muhammad Firdaus, Fahmi, Taufiq, Fariz, Ismail, Hani, Nasihah, Kistina, Syaza and Nazrul, you all have done a very good job and it is very much appreciated. I owe you all. Seriously. Thank you so much for the veryhard work and effort!

Every picture paints a story..

I am thinking of you.

2009-04-16T16:18:00.003+08:00

That picture was taken last Tuesday. My Mr Policeman here gets tanned. Not because of NS training but because of Sentosa outing he had with his NS mates the day before. -____-

So let me list down where we went. From Bedok Reservoir

to Tampines;
-Century Square
-Tampines 1
-McDonald for mudpie
-S11

then to Changi Airport

then to Yishun;
-Northpoint for Harvey Norman
-Yishun Interchange

next Canberra;
-Blk 424 for meeting Dya
-the mart for 7eleven

after that Ubi

back to Bedok Reservoir;
-night market for the last 4 tako balls
-home.

What a travel. And with Muhammad Firdaus, I always had much fun.

Friday the 13th. Wednesday the 15th. Sucha memorable thing.

As for Wednesday, I spent some time with Nabilah and the shortest time with Syaf. It was nice, indeed. And nope Nabilah. I won't give you both hugs and and wet kisses. NO WAY! Hmph!

I've not been updating regularly because I've been busy with Sister's engagement this Saturday. For those we've invited, let's rock that chalet! Yeay!

Joke of the day.

Ayah's the kind of person who don't like to cut his hair. Nenek's been telling us stories about Ayah who would cry after getting his hair cut. Right now, Ayah's hair is very long and messy. So Mama begged Ayah to get a hair cut for the time being to look smart.

Mama: ...pergi potong rambut lah dkt kedai pakcik-pakcik dkt bawah blk.
Ayah: Kau nak aku potong rambut kan? Kau piat telinga aku hantar aku pergi kedai rambut baru aku potong.
Mama: Alaaa.... Pergi jelah. Balik rumah nnt kena handsome. Tak handsome tak boleh masuk rumah. Ok?

I laughed like hell. My parents are jokers, especially my dad. Really.

So after some hours just now, I heard someone knock on the door. I went to answer then I saw Ayah with very short hair and i-want-to-cry face. I laughed so hard that very moment. Cannot tahan!

Ok. I'm off getting busy again for Sister's engagement.

Cause in your eyes I'd like to stay..

And I need you so much.

2009-04-14T10:02:00.004+08:00

Rena snapped our picture by herself, mind you. Very accurate. And it wouldn't be fair if I don't post Rena's siblings here. Here you go. That's Martin and Reyla.

All of those pictures happened yesterday.

I was out at first with Mama and Sister to Tampines for Puma shop then to other places like NTUC or even Tampines 1 for Secret Recipe's cheese cake; Rocky Mountain. Yummy! You people should try. Next I wanna try on their Caramel Cheese. Heh!

Wah! Fattening. Haha. But who cares anyway?

We got home and few minutes later Rabbit came for tutoring. Then another few minutes later my cute little cousins came. It was very hectic but nice!

I just can't resist you, it's not enough to say that I miss you.

Birthdate?

2009-04-13T01:04:00.003+08:00

Let's see. May 10th. Riiiggghhhttt. I'm a slug. Now what have they gotta say about a slug.

If you are a SLUG: Always up to some sort. The mischievous gleam in your eyes is what makes you so cute and attractive to everyone. You are an extremely fun-to-be-with kind of person. No wonder people seek for your company and look forward to include you for all get-together's. However, you are sensitive which is a drawback. People need to select their words while talking to you. If someone tries to fiddle around and play with words while dealing with you, it is enough to invite your wrath. God bless the person then!

Nice! The sensitive part is so true. Haha.

Ok now let's check for Muhammad Firdaus. November 7th please! What the.. COCKROACH?! Why Muhammad Firdaus? Why must you be the most irritating creature on earth?! Aiyoo.

If you are a COCKROACH: Quite contradictory to are a peace loving person. You best try to avoid a situation where you are required to fight. An outdoor person, you dislike sitting at one place for a long duration. You are a born leader, and have it in you how to tactfully derive work from people. You love being loved, and when you receive your share of limelight from someone, you are all theirs!!!! Well, well... Hence some people could even take an advantage, flatter you to the maximum and get their work done. So be careful.....

Wow. The some people "could even take an advantage.." part is not me ok. Haha.

Oh. Nope. Before you people think differently of me, let me say this. I don't feel the pinch. I'm just stating the fact. I love Muhammad Firdaus whole heartedly.

And as for ASSes, PARASITEs, SKUNKs, BULLFROGs, SNAKEs and APEs, here you go.

If you are an ASS: A very loyal and sweet person. Your loyalty can never be doubted. You are quite honest and sincere when it comes to your attitude towards working. You are a very simple person, indeed. Absolutely hassle free, humble and down-to-earth!! That explains the reason why your friends cling on to you! You have a good taste for clothes. If your wardrobe is not updated with what is trendy, you sure are depressed. Popular and easy-going. You have a little group of dignified friends, all of them being quality-personified.

If you are a PARASITE: An extremely lovable, adorable person, sometimes shy, with a passion for quick wit. At times, you prefer quietness.. You love exploring various things and going into depth of each thing. Under normal circumstances you're cool but when given a reason to, you are like a volcano waiting to erupt. You're a fashion bird. People look forward to you as an icon associated with fashion. Basically, you mingle along freely but don't like talking much to strangers. People feel very easy in your company. You observe care in choosing your friends.

If you are a SKUNK: You are near to perfect and nice at heart. The examples of your kindness are always circulated in groups of people. You too, love peace. You wouldn't like to retaliate even to a person who is in the wrong. You are loved due to this. You do not wish to talk behind one's back. People love the way you always treat them. You can give, give and give love, and the best part is that you do not expect it back in return. You are generous enough. Seeing things in a practical light is what the best trait of you guys remains.

If you are a BULLFROG: You symbolize a very happy-go-lucky approach in life. Whatever the surroundings may be, grim or cheerful, you remain unaffected. In fact, you spread cheer wherever you go. You are the leader of your group of friends and good at consoling people in their times of need. You dislike hypocrisy and tend to shirk away from hypocrites. They can never be in your good books, no matter what. You are very methodical and organized in your work. No amount of mess, hence, can ever encompass you. Beware; it is easy for you to fall in love.....

If you are a SNAKE: You are mysterious. You are someone who can handle pressure with ease, and can handle any atmosphere without going berserk. You can be mean at times, and love to gossip with your selected group. Very prim and proper.. You like all situations and things to be in the way you desire, which, sometimes is not possible. As a result, you may lose out in some relationships. But otherwise, you love to help people out from difficult and tight spots when they really need you.

If you are an APE: Very impatient and hyper!!! You want things to be done as quickly as possible. At heart, you are quite simple and love if you are the center of attraction. That way, you people are unique..You would like to keep yourself safe from all the angles. Shall your name be dragged or featured in any sort of a controversy, you then go all panicky. Therefore, you take your precautions from the very beginning. When you foresee anything wrong, your sixth sense is what saves you from falling in traps. Quite a money minded bunch you people are!!

Ok. Enough of that "what does your birthdate tells about you" thing. Back to my life. I'm aching all over. I almost feel like I'm having muscle crams. Eh no! Muscle tear, I mean.

This is all because of playing badminton on wet grass where I fall and stretch my leg like "ballet dancing" with one leg to the front and another to the back, parallel to the ground.

And please bear in mind that I could never stretch my legs in opposite direction more that 45degree let alone 180degree but I just did it that morning. So, congratulations leg! -_____-

Anyway, if you've noticed, I've get rid of my tagboard. I wish to scrape away those links too and make it as more personal and as low profile as it could be. If I want I would possibly privatise my blog too. But I understand that this is an online-diary/connect-with-more-people world. No point privatising and inviting people to read cause in the end, people too will get to know of my story.

I would rather keep a book-diary to myself so none will know of my story and I would be as low profile as I wanna be. Haha.

And why I don't put up any tagboards is because I don't think I need any comments from people about my daily life. So then I'll just live my life without any praises or insults.

So, my life. I'm glad that Muhammad Firdaus could actually top the rest. The way he cares and loves me was unconditional and so true. He assured me that he'll be by my side even if it's not physically or verbally. So I'll just bear that in mind for every circumstances.

Anyway, I patiently am waiting for the month of May to come by. Not the 10th but the 7th. Maybe the 7th could be my best present? Muhammad Firdaus' Pass Out Parade is on the 7th fyi. So I'll be getting a POP for my present! Yeay!

Well, at least, that's a confirm. I confirm am getting a POP for my present. Haha.

Muhammad Firdaus in police uniform. Confirm hot! Haha. Can melt. Oh. Mentioning about melt, I remember one moment when I'm with him.

Me: ....he's so hot then I cair sei tgk dia. (talks with full of expression)
Him: Oh. Then mcm mana you boleh beku balik eh?

Kuranghasam kan? At that moment I feel like shout at/boxing/kicking him ok! Shaving his botak hair to skinhead also crossed my mind. He's lucky I don't have a shaver with me.

I miss my old life. I miss our old life.

What a super long post. I shall be a good girl and end now.

To only you I've put my whole trust, heart and soul..

Happy 5th Dearest Love.

2009-04-11T00:01:00.003+08:00

I've never written a love song
that didn't end in tears

Maybe you'll rewrite my love song
if you can replace my fears

I need your patience and guidance
and all your loving and more

When thunder rolls through my life,
will you be able to weather the storm?

There's so much I would give you, baby
if I'd only let myself

There's this well of emotions
I feel I must protect

But what's the point of this armor
if it keeps the love away, too?

I'd rather bleed with cuts of love
than live without any scars

Baby, can I trust this?
Or do all things end?

I need to hear that you'd die for me
again and again and again

So tell me when you look in my eyes
Can you share all the pain and happy times?

'Cause I will love you for the rest of my life

This is my very first love song
that didn't end in tears

I think you re-wrote my love song
for the rest of my years

I will love you for the rest of my life.

In the end it was you.

Outings with family.

2009-04-10T22:21:00.003+08:00

Sorry for the disappointment for having no updates every time you people got to my blog. I've been busy doing something else. Even if I'm not busy, I'm still trying to make myself busy. Just to kill my boredom.

Anyway, I was out yesterday to Johor with Mama, Mama's cousin and her goddaughter; Suhana. Yes. I was stunned at first to see Suhana cause I'm sure to feel awkward to go someplace far with I-just-get-to-know-for-that-day cousin.

But overall, she is nice. Everything is nice to be exact. From starting to ending. I had fun afterall. And by the way, do I look like I'm an ITE student? Cause some friends or even some new friends been asking me which ITE I am from. Itik betul! Geram aku.

As for today, I was out with Sister and Zizi. We do walk arounds and intend to watch some movies but the place was total packed. So we drop off the plan and pamper ourselves with Sushi and Cheesecake.

So both days were nice. And I'm happy. And by the way, Huzai's being sucha dumb man who SMS me kinda early in the morning asking if there is NP training today. What the hell? Good Friday! School holiday. Public holiday. He don't know pe?! HAHA.

In the brightest hour of my darkest day.

I LOVE YOU!

2009-04-05T20:33:00.005+08:00

Oh. That preety Rip Curl bag? It's mine. I finally got that at Vivo yesterday, after weeks! And I reallyreally had much fun with you, Muhammad Firdaus!

Thousand apologies Diana for unable to attend to your birthday party yesterday. I hope you enjoyed your day to the fullest. So anyway, HAPPY belated 21st BIRTHDAY DIANA! May you lead a good life and be happy always!

Anyway, I have got a lot to blog about actually. But I can't remember! Waaah sick!

I forgot to say out loud how beautiful you really are to me.

Oh yeay!

2009-04-03T20:03:00.003+08:00

Congratulations Muhammad Firdaus
for passing that law test
with flying colours!
I am veryveryveryveryvery proud of you!

And thank you so much dear Allah
for granting my wishes.

Forever more, my heart is yours.

This week pictures!

2009-04-01T23:32:00.002+08:00

So here you go. Though it wasn't a lot, at least this is something which might spice up my oh-so-boring-with-no-pictures blog. So this was taken few days back.

While this was taken just now.

Today's pictures above might not explain you where we went today so yes, met up with Nabilah with some missions but it was ruined. Therefore we went over to town for whole walk arounds in search for that lovely Rip Curl bag(Nabilah! It's preety kan?!) and a laptop bag(and to kill time too!) before heading over to our intended place; Suntec City just to fetch Syaf off from work and have some time together.

Then we had our dinner at Magic Wok and to some place nearby to have some more talks and pictures taken.

Anyway, I am sick still but I've been out of house for 3 days straight this week. I am sick yet energetic. How come eh? I even slept super late and am awake super early.

And dear Allah, please let Muhammad Firdaus passed his law test! Don't let him go for another 1 month recourse. I reallyreally wants him to get it done and over with cause he's been stressing himself over that, these days. Thank you Allah.

How I wish I could crack my brains out to study and sit for that test for him. But it's not gonna be that easy on me too. Cause every people who sat for that test before told me it was very difficult. So even though if he fails for the test, he shouldn't regret cause I believe, he had done his very best.

BUT I REALLYREALLY WISH HE COULD PASS HIS LAW TEST! That's it.

Oh, I wish that I was looking into your eyes.

That man said.

2009-04-01T00:28:00.010+08:00

That man looked at me then

he said most of those guys who'd start falling in love with me stopped half-way. (That I believe because out of many guys I knew, I only go to Muhammad Firdaus. And I believe only Nabilah knew some of who's "most of those guys" are.)
he said now I got boyfriend. (Well, of course that's true.)

then he asked for my boyfriends' name and

he said my boyfriend is very serious. (Partly true. But he's clown-ish, child-ish and manja-ish sometimes. Right Muhammad Firdaus?)
he said my boyfriend wishes everything to be his way. (But I demand more than he does. He's the generous one, as for now.)
he said I should listen to every of my boyfriends' word. (I will. I'll definitely will from now onwards. I believe he's always right because he thinks more maturely than me. I'm still 18! Young, you see.)
he said I should really take good care of my boyfriends' heart. (Not bad eh Muhammad Firdaus! Your heart is fragile too. BUT! I'll try and will promise to take veryvery good care of your heart.)

That's what that man says. Believe it or not, it's all up to me. And Muhammad Firdaus too. =) And btw, both of us were having blocked nose. And both of us speaked sengau-ish. Oh. How more cuter can we be? Stop it k Radin Shazwani! HAHA!

OK now serious.

Muhammad Firdaus. Sometimes we just fall. And sometimes we fall so bad that it hurts. But after all those falls, we both sure to get up again. So no matter how much fallings and getting ups we've been through, it still couldn't defeat as to how muuuuuch and deep my love is for you, I swear.

OK back to not serious.

This one friend of mine here is a very hyper-silly-neverserious girl. So when she came to one part to talk about something -to her is- serious, it's really hard for me to believe things that she said. So I'll post part of my conversation with her for you to see how serious is she when she came to serious part.

A.A.M.P - 德欣 says (1:11 AM):
hey rad , anyway i got smth to tell u.
But keep to urself okay ?

Radin Shazwani says (1:11 AM):
WHAT?!
WHAT?!
WHAT?!
WHAT?!
DON'T SCARE ME!!!!

A.A.M.P - 德欣 says (1:11 AM):
Actually im getting married on 11 April
A.A.M.P - 德欣 says (1:12 AM):
im getting engaged .
=)
11 April , 2.30 pm At Registry Of Marriage .
Can u be there ?
Maybe u and ur bf will do .

Radin Shazwani says (1:12 AM):
you kidding right?
you must be kidding.

A.A.M.P - 德欣 says (1:13 AM):
=.=
hello , marriage how can kidding .
i wanna faster get engaged bcos he's gg oversea for study .
3 years for honour .

Radin Shazwani says (1:13 AM):
marriage or engage?
which one?
make up your mind!!!

A.A.M.P - 德欣 says (1:13 AM):
Engage
=)
A.A.M.P - 德欣 says (1:14 AM):
in tht case we are couple legally .

Radin Shazwani says (1:14 AM):
you kidding lah. your face cannot trust one!
hahahahaha!

A.A.M.P - 德欣 says (1:14 AM):
...
Hello !!!
im serious dude !
LOLS !

Radin Shazwani says (1:14 AM):
you purposely want to trap me right?
april fool right?
think i don't know arr?
hahahaha!

A.A.M.P - 德欣 says (1:14 AM):
DAMN IT !
A.A.M.P - 德欣 says (1:15 AM):
`faint

Radin Shazwani says (1:15 AM):
APRIL FOOLLLL!

A.A.M.P - 德欣 says (1:15 AM):
u know alrdy !!!!
hahahahaha

Radin Shazwani says (1:15 AM):
hahahha! i just realise ok!
lucky i realise. if not. damn.

A.A.M.P - 德欣 says (1:15 AM):
haiyo ~~

Radin Shazwani says (1:15 AM):
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

A.A.M.P - 德欣 says (1:15 AM):
Can u just act as if u dun know .

Radin Shazwani says (1:15 AM):
=P

A.A.M.P - 德欣 says (1:15 AM):
everytime i trick people they always dun believe
hahahahaha

A.A.M.P - 德欣 says (1:16 AM):
i should learn how to trick people more .

Radin Shazwani says (1:16 AM):
HAHAHAHA!

A.A.M.P - 德欣 says (1:16 AM):
LOLS !
alright i go try on other ppl
hahahahahah

Radin Shazwani says (1:16 AM):
rrrrriiiiiiigggggghhhhhhhtttttt!
ok! good luck!
hahahahaha!

A.A.M.P - 德欣 says (1:16 AM):
HAHAHA !
seeya when sch opens !!
Go extend ur hair again la .
hahaha
`bye

Radin Shazwani says (1:16 AM):
haha. you lahh! haha! my hair long enough already.
*flips hair manymany times*
hahaha. okay bye!!!

A.A.M.P - 德欣 says (1:17 AM):
how.. cann...u...say.. my..hair...
LOLS
Alright, seeya dude !
`gee

Anterine, try harder next year OK! HAHAHA! Seriously, it's very hard to believe her. And I bet she wouldn't believe me either. Cause everytime we talked, we were never ever serious. We always make fun of people, disturbing each other and most important thing, we had fun doing all that. With Diana too which of course, we're the only 3 girls there in our class.

We’re never gonna get it right unless we fall..

Let's get stronger.

2009-03-30T22:46:00.004+08:00

These days have been the worst days of my life.

1. A relative passed away yesterday night.
2. Another soon-to-be relative passed away just now.
3. Fever.
4. Blocked nose.
5. Stomach cramp.
6. HEAD HURTS SO BAD.
7. Couldn't sleep well.

My condolences to those family I've mentioned above.

I don't know if I can yell any louder.

Heaven and Hell.

2009-03-29T00:23:00.006+08:00

I hope I could take this still.
No, I can't.
Yes, I should.
But I really can't.
Okay. I want to!

Well, if not feelings, at least do spare me some thoughts, please.

On a brighter note, I spent all my cash off for The Body Shop items. It feels heaven back then. Thank you Atiqah for those discounts! Be prepared alright! I'll shop more one day. HAHA!

And I received a message.

HI MISS, I'M RUNNING A MODEL COMPANY FOR MY ELDER BRO. AND WE ARE VERY INTERESTED IN YOU TO JOIN US. WE DO PHOTOSHOOTS, EVENTS AND ROADSHOWS. OUR PHOTOSHOOTS ARE OUTDOOR, WEDDING,SPORT DRINKS, CARS,FASHION AND MANY OTHERS. WE PAY YOU HIGH PRICE FOR EACH SHOOT YOU TAKE WITH COMMISSION. SMS ME WITH YOUR NAME AT 9******8. WE HOPE TO HEAR FROM YOU SOON. PLS DO REPLY.

Thank you whoever-your-name-is but nah. Me? A model? Total crap.

But that's okay, cause I'm here to stay.

Radin Suriana's Day.

2009-03-26T23:56:00.004+08:00

The plan goes smoothly. It was nice seeing cheese in my meals. It'd be nicer if I see cheese on every of my meal. HAHA. Anyway, today started off well and something cock up in the middle but in the end, it was preety.

On a brighter note, I felt relieved once again after keeping secrets for 2 straight days and when my phone rang and the screen displayed "Zul" which sister grab that phone from the table to pass it to me, by then she saw his name.

Sister: Oh! Kau ada scandal eh!
Me: Kau tak tau ke? Dari dulu pe scandal aku Zul. (My reasons are really true but I don't think she knew about that.)

After some minutes.

Sister: Eh! Buat apa Zul call kau eh?
Me: Suka dia uh. Aku pun tak tau, dah lama dia tak call aku. Baru ni kali.
Sister: Bedek! Step Zul lain je!
Me: Betul! ZulFadli! Nak check, check uh!

I felt relieved when she say "tak payah!". Oh my goodness. Sucha close shave. HAHA! Anyway, pictures could help me say it all.

Last but not least, Happy 21st Birthday sister! Oh no. You're age-ing. So am I.

I had Pizza. Muhammad Firdaus too ordered Pizza in camp to celebrate for having 100% passes in every test they took. Muhammad Firdaus, your girlfriend is reallyveryso proud of you. HAHA. BUT, you got 3 more tests to go. Make sure you pass those too.

And I feel bad. I spent lesser time with him tonight by the phone.

If you could see what I've seen.

And now I feel like blogging again.

2009-03-25T21:13:00.006+08:00

I don't know why but today I feel so happy and hyper. Is it because of a can of red bull I've drank just now? Or maybe the satay Mama bought from Johor? Wait! Maybe because of tomorrow? HAHA. I guess so.

Okay let's pray hard sister won't drop by my blog which I believe she wouldn't so yeah, we family together with Zul planned on having a surprise birthday for her tomorrow. That i totally can't wait because we're having it at Pizza Hut and I badly am craving for those cheese, cheese and more cheeses. (HAHA! Only my BFs know how's my attitude when I got cheese in my hands!)

Right. I know what you all thinking. Unlike people who went to Pizza Hut for their Pizzas and Pastas. But me, cheese! -______________- Laugh all you want. "Cheese is my 2nd lover.." -as quoted by Muhammad Firdaus- what!

Talking about Muhammad Firdaus. I told him if ever we were to quarrel again, we'll fight over at the arcade for car racing. So we'll challenge as a beginner using automatic cars. So then, who get's the 1st place, wins!

Then he recommended on having guitar hero instead of car racing. I declined because I've never practiced on that game so car racing is still on! When I'm really goooood at guitar hero than we'll challenge on that okay baby!

HAHA! And uh, I so sound like I'm deprived of motherhood by imagining Muhammad Firdaus as a baby which I'm buying him a pacifier so he won't sulk anymore, Mamy Poko Pants which he used that when he's a real baby (me too! me too! me too!), Sustagen milk(which he wants Anlene instead but then I'd gave him Anlene Gold for stronger bones). Then I gave him a big hug for getting mad and sang him Barney song!

~..I love you.
You love me.
We are happy family
with a great big hug
and a kiss
from me to you.
Won't you say
you love me too..~
(aww.. so sweet of you Radin Shazwani. You're sure to be a good mother one day!)

-_______________________-

Okay please ignore above. I know I'm 32. (Go ahead. Laugh at me. Laugh at me. Laugh at me. Laugh at me. Laugh at me. Laugh at me. Laugh at me. Laught at me. Laugh at me. Laugh at me. Laugh at me. Go ahead. I don't mind. I don't care.)

And when I mind, it simply means that I care..

Chocolate Cookies!

2009-03-25T14:09:00.005+08:00

I think my tag board is preety sensitive these days. Yes it did filter bad words. And not bad words too! -__________-

Anyway, I bought more cookies from Marks & Spencer again yesterday. Not forgetting a packet for Muhammad Firdaus. So I have 2 packets of Digestive Milk Chocolate and a packet of Chocolate Cookies in total for him.

After which I went to the next shop; Isetan to get myself a dress. Then I saw this men long sleeve shirt so I asked Mama if it's nice then she say, yes. So I told her if I could get that for Muhammad Firdaus, she agreed. So I took M size for him which I hope it'd fit him perfectly.

Then I told Muhammad Firdaus about those things that I bought for him and how handsome he's gonna look on that shirt. But he scold me for not telling him first before buying. Ada ke patut?! HAHA!

But still I'm happy cause I can't wait to see him wear that shirt during sister's engagement! Hip hip hooray! Actually I haven't consume any foods since I'm awake just now so that explains how terribly hungry I am right this minute.

And now no one can touch us..

Should I go or not?

2009-03-22T22:12:00.004+08:00

What if I were to be the only girl there? Not that I'm not used to being the only girl with my classmates but this is an outing. Outing and school is not the same, you see.

HOW?

Nevertheless, Faizal has got a good point there. "kau nk malu buat apa kita classmate kan. lagi pun that time aku sorang lelaki belajar dng korang kat lib". Yes, I totally agree.

But really, the feeling is of a total different!

No girly-girly talk. No girly-girly laugh. No girly-girly walk. No girly-girly window shop. No girly-girly everything. What the hell, I know. Cause I've been with guys all along in school. I can turn into a guy like this, one day. (Okay please don't Radin Shazwani!)

Beg me to make this easier and listen to my hopeless cries.

Nabilah's Day.

2009-03-21T21:04:00.003+08:00

Oh yes. We celebrated another one of our BFs day in advance yesterday. A surprise birthday for the birthday girl turns out to be a surprise birthday for those who celebrated it with her. GRR!

Well, at least. Taufiq has done a great job. Seems like it's his first time planning a surprise birthday for someone cause I helped him manage his surprise plan and call up the girls side and all, so I know. HAHA!

So anyway, Nabilah, I hope you really enjoyed your day with us despite the fact that Syaf couldn't make it due to her tight schedule for work. And I'm preety sure, she'll make it up to you one day okay?

PICTURES!

Can I not stay and live this lie?

Unwell.

2009-03-18T21:37:00.005+08:00

Can I do something better other than watching television, playing computer, do some random scribblings or even rot at home like nut?

I'm down with fever that's why. Okay actually both me and Muhammad Firdaus were down with fever. Kita cute, aku tau. -_____________-

Oh btw, I saw this preety new-in-stock Rip Curl sling yesterday at Vivo. Mama was on the verge of taking out her ATM card to pay for it but I change my mind to not get it. Because I've got too many bags and furthermore, I've been asking a lot of things from her lately already. So, tell me I'm a good girl, people. (Well at least Muhammad Firdaus says that I am a good girl without me asking him to tell me that I am. *grins*)

I'm not crazy I'm just a little unwell..

I'm happy. =)

2009-03-17T22:53:00.005+08:00

People say when you love somebody, write his name and draw a circle around it. Never draw a heart shape around it cause a heart could break while a circle is a shape that goes round and round, forever. And I just did it. See!

And I totally miss you.

If I fall over, will you catch me, baby?

Results Day.

2009-03-17T08:27:00.003+08:00

Yes. An early post so a very good morning all. =)

These days have been disastrous. I'm unwell. With a very bad addition to it is results which I'm totally worried for it and Muhammad Firdaus have been listening to "I'm scared. My results. How?" for umpteen times already.

So yesterday night I keep logging in NYP Portal and check my results every minute but it keeps telling me that it's not available yet. I gave up and stare at my laptop screen till 1am till I couldn't stand any longer so I slept in front of my laptop, not switched off.

Then I was awake by Muhammad Firdaus message asking how's my result so I quickly replied him "I wanna check it right now." and "I'm scared." to go along with it. Told you I've been telling him how scared I was and he's being a good boyfriend who motivates me with inspiring words like "you'll be fine" and "i have faith in you", things like that.

So I login and still it's unavailable. I off laptop, head to my living room getting all worried. Then I received another message. And it's from NYP this time.

I checked bit by bit. First module, passed. Second, passed. And I continued until I reached the ninth module which is the last module, passed.

So I thank Allah so much for letting me passed all my modules once again. And I've learnt with His help and me trying my very best, I can make it.

Then I showed my parents this superb news and of course forwarded that message to Muhammad Firdaus too. So now, I can enjoy without any worries! Oh yeay!

Thank you Allah once again, I love you.

NCO Camp.

2009-03-16T16:06:00.002+08:00

After 3 days away from home, I went back. For once I feel so short like a primary school kid with big bulky bag pack but that's the very part I'm satisfied with; home sweet home.

The warm heart feeling picture of the cadets.

Being an instructor was never easy.

For that two ass-es.

2009-03-11T22:52:00.004+08:00

Oh please don't come back and ruin our lovely build castle.

PLEASE!

Just back off before I snap.
I won't simply let you both destroy this.
Cause we believe our love is strong. Very strong.

And do treat us with mutual respect, thank you.

Oh Dearest Love.

2009-03-11T00:00:00.007+08:00

Today is our day and you’re not here with me yet again. But even though you’re away serving the nation, still you could make me feel that I’m important by contacting me every single day without fail be it during your free time, your lesson time, your curi-curi time and your bed time, already makes my everyday.

And because you’re Muhammad Firdaus, the man I’ve been with for 4 months and that only man who understands me what love means and because I believe that your love is true makes me loving you more than I love myself.

I know we’ve been bad these days and I’m the cause for everything. So now it’s my turn to let you hear to this song which means a lot to me. Here is for you Muhammad Firdaus.

But before that, pleasepleasepleasepleaseplease, pause the song at the top first. =) Then play this video.

It's so hard to say that I'm sorry
I'll make everything alright
All these things that I've done
Now what have I become, and where'd I go wrong?
I don't mean to hurt, just to put you first
I won't tell you lies (I'm sorry)
I will stand accused
With my hand on my heart
I'm just trying to say

I'm sorry
It's all that I can say
You mean so much
And I'd fix all that I've done
If I could start again
I'd throw it all away
To the shadows of regrets
And you would have the best of me

I know that I can't take
back all of the mistakes
But I will try
Although it's not easy
I know you believe me
Cause I would not lie
Don't believe their lies
Told through jealous eyes
They don't understand (I'm sorry)
I won't break your heart
I won't bring you down
But I will have to say

Happy 4th monthsary, baby!

At my place.

2009-03-10T23:21:00.003+08:00

It's nice to have them hanging around at my place just to have a meet up because it's been more then a week the last time we met and yeah, the word 'nice' just defines everything.

And 'love' too defines us.

Love without hurting is not love..

Through these nights.

2009-03-09T10:51:00.003+08:00

Still I'm left with knowing, content and happy.

This is all I need.

And if i fall..

And now.

2009-03-08T18:51:00.003+08:00

I can go crazy like this.

What the hell am I thinking?

I'm scared if I lose you, I'm not prepared.

I love Saturdays.

2009-03-07T23:46:00.002+08:00

Just me and you sat on a cozy cushion under a gigantic screen with some popcorns or maybe nacho cheese and your shoulder for my head to lie on is the nicest thing I could ever ask for..

..was what I only dreamt of. -____________________________-

Because that bloody tickets were all selling fast and the next show available will be very late. Damn you who watch that Watchmen show today. You should have give Muhammad Firdaus some heart or some chance cause tomorrow he'll be booking in and that he really wanna watch that movie.

Nevertheless, sharing logic and stupid jokes, laugh hysterically or should I say when-I-laugh-I-sound-like-a-donkey and talk about his NS days simply make my day. Okay wait. What I mean is that spending time with him is always the best and I want more. HAHA.

This may sound typical but no words could describe how much I love you Muhammad Firdaus cause that clearly explains my feelings, I swear.

With my hand on my heart, I just wanted to say..

Congratulations Rabit!

2009-03-07T11:42:00.010+08:00

I am

very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very

happy for one of my Hammies,

Rabi'atul Adawiyah, for achieving

very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very

good grades for her 'A' level. Very

proud of you Rabit!

Let's celebrate! HAHA! I sound like I'm the one who got those results. As requested by her, I'm not gonna mention her results here cause I know she's a good girl who don't like to show off of her grades. But trust me, her grades are veryveryveryveryveryveryveryvery good.

The star up in the sky..

Something that perks me up.

2009-03-05T20:06:00.004+08:00

So I had Strawberry Cheesecake from Ben & Jerry's which was not as powerful as Haagen Dazs in the morning. And now I'm having a very Hot Chocolate that could burn my tongue so bad after a few more sips. Nevertheless, I'm satisfied for everything. Every single thing.

And I got another tub of Chocolate Fudge Brownie from Ben & Jerry's to be eaten. Tomorrow. I'm gonna eat that all up by tomorrow. Muhammad Firdaus must have envy me with that and when he gets to know I ate Arnolds yesterday. HAHA!

So he asked me to treat him to Ice Cream without mentioning from which shop, therefore I offered him cheap Ice Cream from Mama shop. Cause I believe he'd go with everything that I do. *teasehimteasehimteasehim*

And I just checked out from Yahoo! Movies that My Bloody Valentine is not R21 but M18 instead, as advised by Muhammad Firdaus. (Now who's that clever one who said that it's R21? HAHA!). I thought of catching that cause the best part is it's in 3D and Jensen Ackles acts in it. But it's okay. Watchmen this Saturday would be nice. =)

I lovelove and missmiss him more..

Atiqah's Day.

2009-03-03T00:33:00.009+08:00

Okay so this very-early-post-but-it's-the-right-time-to-post specially goes out to one of my Hammies, Atiqah, for achieving in growing a year older.

HAPPY 19TH BIRTHDAY ATIQAH! Oh no, you're aging. Soon it'll be my turn. I DON'T WANT CAN?!

So anyway, the last time we met was on January. Another meet up session can Hammies? =) Now let me post a picture of her since this post is for her and only hers.

OOOOPSS! Wrong picture! Haha. "Oooopss!" aku mintak kena tampar. Okay next picture please.

That one can? No? Can or no? Okay fine. I'll get you nicer one. But that one cute what? Nevermind. Nevermind. NEXT!

ALRIGHT! Much better! And much more decent. =) HAPPY 19th BIRTHDAY again Atiqah! Hope you enjoy your day to the fullest.

And why the hell did I post like a primary kid this time?

P.S. Atiqah! Bila nak vroom-vroom aku around Singapore?

In just a blink of an eye..

Taufiq's Day.

2009-03-01T21:49:00.005+08:00

Yesterday was 28th of February, the day we celebrated Taufiq's birthday which actually falls on 8th of March but we've got no other choice since each of us were busy with something else on some planned dates therefore we got yesterday to celebrate his day.

So yeah Taufiq, Happy 19th very advance Birthday not-good-anymore boy! -___________________-

Cause he learned some new-yet-disgusting words from other boys and still could make a story upon those words that have been learnt. Very bad boy!

So, back to the story.

The cutest thing is that we prepare all his birthday stuff right in front of the Tampines Mall door and had our port(a void deck, to be precise) as a place to celebrate his birthday. We wanted to do it at the park near the pond at Tampines Sec area initially but we had void deck instead for a back-up plan since the weather doesn't seem nice.

Which the weather wasn't nice at all! It pours so heavily where we got trapped under another void deck. While being trapped, you all should know what we did since the bestest thing there with us is a mouth to talk and talk and a camera to take tons and tons of pictures. But my camera plays evil with me and went dead right after Taufiq's picture with number '19' on his forehead which I'm gonna show you all right after this.

Anyway, thank you for hooking-up and still hooking-up with this many-words post of mine. Cause yes you know, my post don't have a lot of pictures to be posted unlike Nabilah's. Go to hers for more.

That was the day before when we got all of his birthday gifts. And the last picture simply explains our butt-smacking game. It's like the attempt of I-want-to-smack-hers-but-she-grabbed-my-hand-so-tight-then-she-wants-to-smack-mine-at-the-same-time-so-I-won't-give-her-the-chance-therefore-I-quickly-grabbed-another-hand-of-hers. Then the one who took this picture which obviously is Syaf, doesn't want to get involved so the reason of hers is to make herself busy by snapping pictures. What a story line Ony! But the butt-smacking part is true.

Okay. Okay. BACK to the story. So this was the real day.

Told you! My camera went dead right after that picture!

Oh yes, I haven't been mentioning Muhammad Firdaus name here. I know this week I've gone to him more then I go to my bestfriends. I believe my bestfriends understand that I've missed him too much already after almost-2-weeks I didn't get to meet him. So thank you so much bestfriends!

And you, Muhammad Firdaus. Thank you for the day.

Oh my! I don't plan to write a lot but I did. HAHA! What the hell?! Ni pun aku nak bilang?

I would put myself right beside you..

2008 Montage.

2009-02-26T14:48:00.009+08:00

2008 Montage.

Please allow me to paste a few of my 2008 pictures cause I feel like doing that. Eh wait, why am I asking for permission eh? I know it takes time to load. You could just leave or stay, as you wish, I don't force.

Please note that these images below was arranged by me accordingly. I hope you all appreciate my verygoodhardwork, thank you!

And oh, a picture in school uniform back in 2007. I don't know why as to choose this picture out of a lot. HAHA!

End of 2007 Day.

Hammies meet up in January.

Syaf's Day.

Syaf's Treat Day.

GIG Day.

Mr Anwar's Day.

Hammies meet up in March.

Taufiq's Day.

Nabilah's Day.

April Fool's Day.

Her very first week in RP day.

First outing with poly mate day.

ADC Camp day.

Very first picture with classmate day.

My day with family.

My day with bestfriends.

A picture with DidiCazli.

Ikhsan's Day. SORRY FARIS! Yours I didn't manage to upload.

Black pants Day.

WednesDay.

Julin's last Day.

ClassPit Day.

My Class project Day.

Nabilah's Class project Day.

FriDay random dinner.

WednesDay.

Beloved Uncle's Wedding Day.

Presentation Day.

WednesDays.

Baybeats.

Geylang with poly mates Day.

WednesDay.

Geylang with bestfriends Day.

Hari Raya with family.

Hari Raya with Black Gangs.

AVENGED SEVENFOLD CONCERT!

Ismail's Day.

Muhammad Firdaus' Day with my bestfriends.

Muhammad Firdaus' Day with his bestfriends.

WednesDays.

Study Saturday.

WednesDays.

Cousins Wedding Day.

Fahmi's Day.

WednesDay.

Random outing Day.

KLCC with family Day.

Karaoke at Cash Studio with siblings Day.

Beach with family Day.

Nora's Day.

End of 2008 Day.

I'm very sure that I've missed many of our outings pictures. I'm sorry for that but this is good enough I guess. =) And I miss Muhammad Firdaus yet again, more and more each day.

These memories can't replaced..

With my 3 lovely bestfriends.

2009-02-25T23:19:00.004+08:00

With my 3 lovely bestfriends.

Today is Wednesday which basically means it's an outing with my bestfriends. It was dull at first cause I felt very tired but after some minutes when I'm with them, my happy mood came back again.

That's what bestfriends are for. You would feel like as if they're cheering you up even if they're not actually. You all get that? If not, don't bother asking cause I don't know how's the right way to put into nice and understandable words.

And they should know that I love them in anyways. If they don't, I'm gonna spank their butt real hard. If not butt then, they should know. It's a girl thing by the way. Oh yes. I miss doing that to Nabilah who would actually smack mine back to play fair which then Syaf who don't like to play this game, she'd cover hers all the way. HAHA!

You're the one, and in you I confide.

Congratulations NPCC!

2009-02-24T21:19:00.011+08:00

Congratulations NPCC!

And so today officially marks the end of semester 2. I'm glad yet worried and am not ready for my results which will be out very soon cause I know, this semester I don't really do well.

On a brighter note, holidays are in! Happy holiday-ing my classmates! I hope to see we're in the same class again for year 2! I'll for sure miss our crazy moments we've always had in school.

Oh yes. I was checking mails and I received some from Mr Tan who reminds Mr Anwar of our treat for obtaining Gold Award for NPCC last year. Hell it was damn funny. I shall share some here. There are some backups from Cheng.

From Mr Tan.

From Cheng.

From Mr Anwar.

From Mr Tan.

From Mr Anwar.

HAHA. That last part from Mr Anwar is super funny. He and forever his bakhil. For those who knows Mr Anwar very well, go imagine the way he say "ya..ya.." then you'll know what I mean. And yes, I purposely highlight that in black cause I've been told it was a secret. Well, outsiders cannot know. *tease*

Why does hello feels like goodbye?

Yeah, it tear us up.

2009-02-22T21:24:00.003+08:00

Yeah, it tear us up.

Muhammad Firdaus made me listen to that song above which according to him, that song describes what he really feels towards me. And that very adorable part is he tears up. I cried too okay!

And now that it’s over, I’m glad that I can finally smile again. As for him, he was super happy which he already got the mood to go back to camp. Furthermore, this week he’s doing shooting for training.

Which that made me misses playing with guns during NPCC in secondary school. Jangan main-main, aku dapat marksman kay! HAHA!

I'm sorry too baby.

I just couldn't get any better like this.

2009-02-22T17:40:00.002+08:00

I just couldn't get any better like this.

And I just lied telling him that I'm busy studying when actually I've been waiting for that very moment to hear from him and only him. I've got my own reasons to do that. His sweater is my best companion for now. As for others, I'd appreciate much if you leave me alone this time.

My heart, they don't lie. They just quiver in fear.

When I think again..

2009-02-22T01:17:00.002+08:00

When I think again..

"And because Fir got all worn out after a hard week in camp which Fir could only book out on Saturday for this week, Syaz got all upset because that's the only day Syaz and Fir get to meet. Syaz really wants to understand Fir's situation but it's hard because Syaz misses Fir so much which that leads Syaz to find Fir's fault for making Syaz having wild thoughts and that made Fir feels guilty and scared of losing Syaz, so Fir apologizes for none of Fir's wrong doings and it reminds Fir of Fir's friend who loses the girlfriend when serving the nation.."

Now tell me who's wrong?

Syaz. Agree?

Bodoh nak mampus seh tu Syaz. Nama jek bdk poly tapi berbual tak pakai brain. Kesian kay tu Fir.

*screamoutloudwitheyesshuttightwhilepullingstrandsofhairsohard*

Damn, I can go way crazier like this. Now my task is to seek for an apology from Muhammad Firdaus. I'm not a good girl to Muhammad Firdaus afterall. I've always been sucha pain and create tak perlu troubles. Ass me.

End this real soon please..

That's the diff.

2009-02-22T00:30:00.002+08:00

That's the diff.

No Muhammad Firdaus. You're not a useless boyfriend. That is what we call sacrificing; which you don't.

So if you're asking me, I want you to know..

Much misses.

2009-02-21T00:58:00.003+08:00

Much misses.

I just smiled to everyone like I mean it. I just laughed my ass off like as if it's one hell of a big joke. I just talked like a clown who makes fun out of myself when all I think about is you.

Why the hell am I like this? Or was it, why are you like that Muhammad Firdaus?

This time I miss you more then how I missed you during the first week you book in to camp. You should know the reason why.

In times like this..

Note to self.

2009-02-18T20:56:00.006+08:00

Note to self.

"I'm strong on the surface, not all the way through.."

This is what we call a tragedy..

Million 'thank you' Dearest Love.

2009-02-15T12:05:00.011+08:00

Million 'thank you' Dearest Love.

These were the people I had fun with yesterday.

Nabilah, I know you're wondering if we really enjoyed yesterday as much as you and Fahmi do, here's the prove.

Radin Shazwani™ says (12:17 PM):
youyouyou.
do you enjoy yesterday?

•°¤*(¯`°(PiD)°´¯)*¤° says (12:17 PM):
ye saye...?/
of coz baby...

•°¤*(¯`°(PiD)°´¯)*¤° says (12:18 PM):
did u...??

Radin Shazwani™ says (12:18 PM):
of course! =)

•°¤*(¯`°(PiD)°´¯)*¤° says (12:18 PM):
y...??

Radin Shazwani™ says (12:18 PM):
cause i get to meet and spent time with you and my bestfriends and you gave me that greatest gift ever.

I told Muhammad Firdaus to not get me anything but he's being bad so he got me this for our 3rd months; the watch that I've been wanting and waiting for all these months.

But still I love him in anyways, I really do. =) Thank you again Muhammad Firdaus for everything(though you don't like me thanking you).

Mark my word, you are my only one..

Confessions of a shopaholic.

2009-02-13T22:58:00.005+08:00

Confessions of a shopaholic.

Since that I'm still young and that I cannot watch My Bloody Valentine, another muchmuch more happening movie is available for me which is Confessions Of A Shopaholic!

YEAY! I can't wait. I've read every of Shopaholic series and soon the movie will be showing in theathres. Sumpah, I cannot wait!

Click picture for clearer view.
Sanggup kay aku check pat Yahoo! HAHA!

There's just no one who gets me like you do..

Oh Dearest Love.

2009-02-11T13:01:00.003+08:00

Oh Dearest Love.

Muhammad Firdaus!
It's our day today.
It's our day today.
It's our day today.
It's our day today.
It's our day today.
It's our day today.
And you're not here with me(again).

How I wish 7th May will come by with just a blink of an eye. HAHA! Okay merepek.

I told him I got him a belt as a replacement for not getting him biscuits from Marks & Spencer yesterday then he scold me merepek. Ada ke patut?

And till today, we spent 3 whole days of persuading each other to get us something then the next minute we agreed to not buy anything then the very next minute he start again with "i don't care, i want to buy you something."

Stress kay mcm ni! HAHA.

So he asked what I want then I told him I want Nintendo Wii console, Guitar Hero, Baby-G watch or Iphone. Then he asked me to wait forever and that he getting me something else.

Lebih baik takmo tanya kan?! Grr! Seriously, I feel like making him do ketuk ketampi uh!

HAHA.

I'll make every seconds count..

Ku merindu.

2009-02-10T18:25:00.004+08:00

Ku merindu.

Well, I'm addicted to that song above from Shah and Ella.

Okay! I wanna watch My Bloody Valentine real bad! It's a thriller and the best part is it's in 3D! I don't care. I'm gonna drag anyone who's willing to watch that with me! And yes, it'll start showing in cinemas on 26th February by the way.

I was out with Nabilah just now for a studying session. Afterwhich we went to Parkway Parade with the intention of getting biscuits-I-love from Marks & Spencer. I intend to get some for Muhammad Firdaus too! But luck's not on our side.

Therefore we went for some walks and found a belt from BillaBong and I decided to get it for Muhammad Firdaus since he's been complaining that his belt went haus. By the way, it's not a gift or what or maybe it's for our 3rd monthsary?. It's something random that I feel like getting it for him, before you people thinks that I'm getting a gift for boyfriend for Valentine's Day.

Because I'm a Muslim and I don't celebrate Valentine's Day. =D

So anyway, I'd better get going now. My stomache has been growling for foods which basically I only had Double Chocolate frappe from McCafe and a piece of curry puff Nabilah brought from home just now.

Ku selalu merindu cintamu, yang selalu ada di jiwaku..

After 13 days.

2009-02-08T14:16:00.004+08:00

After 13 days.

I don't know why but I dreamt of our dear friend, Yasmeen, who had just left us days ago. I dream exactly like what Nora told me of her story last night.

My deepest condolences goes out to her family for having loss of their only daughter.

When I think about it, I suddenly realised that my turn will come sooner or later. Just that we wouldn't know when will we end our life. So by repenting and do my daily 5 times a day prayer is the safest job for our journey to meet Allah.

Well, it's never too late to do something good. And it's never too late to seek for apology to those whom I've ever hurt, from when we first met.

So by blogging is the best chance to do just that since many of my friends do drop by here to know what's happening to my life, ever since we've been busy for meet-ups.

And here's to you be it my best friends, boyfriend and friends, a sincere apology from the bottom of my heart for whatever wrong things that I've done.

Alright so I get to meet Muhammad Firdaus again after 2 hurting weeks (which according to him is 'a week of hell') and believe me, I'm the happiest girl on earth. And both of us coincidently wore black top and bottom. Nice kan? I know. HAHA!

Then we head off to ECP for Nadia's Birthday pit.

And when my time comes, keep me in your memories..

Much misses.

2009-02-06T18:35:00.004+08:00

Much misses.

I miss Muhammad Firdaus. I miss Muhammad Firdaus. I miss Muhammad Firdaus.
I miss Muhammad Firdaus. I miss Muhammad Firdaus. I miss Muhammad Firdaus.
I miss Muhammad Firdaus. I miss Muhammad Firdaus. I miss Muhammad Firdaus.
I miss Muhammad Firdaus. I miss Muhammad Firdaus. I miss Muhammad Firdaus.
I miss Muhammad Firdaus. I miss Muhammad Firdaus. I miss Muhammad Firdaus.
I miss Muhammad Firdaus. I miss Muhammad Firdaus. I miss Muhammad Firdaus.
I miss Muhammad Firdaus. I miss Muhammad Firdaus. I miss Muhammad Firdaus.
I miss Muhammad Firdaus. I miss Muhammad Firdaus. I miss Muhammad Firdaus.
I miss Muhammad Firdaus. I miss Muhammad Firdaus. I miss Muhammad Firdaus.
I miss Muhammad Firdaus. I miss Muhammad Firdaus. I miss Muhammad Firdaus.
I miss Muhammad Firdaus. I miss Muhammad Firdaus. I miss Muhammad Firdaus.
I miss Muhammad Firdaus. I miss Muhammad Firdaus. I miss Muhammad Firdaus.
I miss Muhammad Firdaus. I miss Muhammad Firdaus. I miss Muhammad Firdaus.
I miss Muhammad Firdaus. I miss Muhammad Firdaus. I miss Muhammad Firdaus.
I miss Muhammad Firdaus. I miss Muhammad Firdaus. I miss Muhammad Firdaus.
I miss Muhammad Firdaus. I miss Muhammad Firdaus. I miss Muhammad Firdaus oh-so-much. =(

I've tried not to..

Oh my Dearest Love.

2009-02-04T12:09:00.004+08:00

Oh my Dearest Love.

38.5 degree,
still doing usual tough training
and completed 15km run
without eating a proper meal
all in a day.

Tell me how can I not worry?

He planned to seek the doctor after his NAPFA test which is tomorrow. He's strong so I believe he can do it which if he fail, he can only book out on Saturday instead of Friday.

Oh Allah, please help him through.

Muhammad Firdaus, I know I cannot be there to take care of you but my heart's been with you all along to help you through. So I just gotta wish you all the best in everything you do.

Yeah it tears me up..