I've made the worst mistakes of all.

I understand that it's totally hard for him to forgive me.
But he still forgives me.

I understand that he needs time to cure his pain. I understand why he reacted this way. His family was the most precious thing ever, I couldn't possibly say that of them.

In fact, I don't know why I said to him like that. I'm just the useless, arrogant, not caring girl he had ever known.

I know, even if he read this post, it won't help him cure his pain. But I miss him too much. I've no idea on what to do next. What I know is I only want him.

I've created another mess. The biggest mess, indeed. I deserve what he's doing to me now. But I can't help my feelings.

I got a dream last night even if I cannot sleep well. I dreamt that we talked it all out then both our heart felt lighter. And I even managed to hug him so tight and kissed him on his lips for the very first time.

I let him have his time on his own for a while which I don't believe I just did that when actually I want to be by his side and get through the pain days, together. I did this because I love him so true. I am respecting his decision.

I am trying to respect his decision. I am wholly sorry if I failed.

As much as I never wish to share it here, I did and I don't know if what I do is right. By any chance I am hoping for him to read this. I am hoping miracle could happen for better days for both of us. I am hoping he could give me one more chance to make things right. I am hoping he would come back to me without being force.

I miss those happy days I had with him. I am blaming myself for all that happened.

I love you. I miss you. Only you, Muhammad Firdaus Bin Jambari.